Saturday, March 27, 2010

Havana Nights and Scandalous Stories.

Ok, this is what you've all been waiting for! i've told these stories to a few of you, but i feel its time they become publicly known. Ps...if I have told these stories to you, and you notice that i leave certain things out, don't worry about it. And don't comment about it. lol.

The first night we were there, Tara and I had been in cuba for all of 4 hours, and we were wandering around our hotel, checking things out. We were out by the pool when we heard some music, we decided to follow the music and we found our 'Hotel Entertainment' It was a series of skits and dances. We pulled up a couple of chairs on the outskirts of the audience and began watching. As we watched we noticed something, each skit got progressively innappropriate, and invloved less and less clothing. Which sould've been a cue for us to leave, but we didn't as sketchy as it was, it never got really bad, and it was always reeeally funny. So time passed and a few of the entertainers come out from the side stage, and they are heading straight for us. Shoulda run. They asked if we would like to participate in the next skit. No. But apparently you don't say no to a Cuban. We told ourselves it couldn't be THAT bad. ...We were wrong. So we're hauled up on stage. The MC guy spoke 4 languages in rapid succession, and it was kind of hard to understand him, but the gist of what was going to happen was that their crew was going to act out a scene and then we were going to re-anact it one at a time, with the crew. Easy enough, i've done this in drama classes all my life. So the skit started with 'Maria' sweeping the floor. (Do-able) Her husband walks in the room and says "Woman, i'm going to work. And when I get home, we are going to make Chicki-Chicki" (Awkward) And then he proceeds to leave and Maria continues to sweep. The Pink Panther music starts up.(Uh-oh) And Maria's 'Lover' Sneaks in the back door(...) he yells 'MARIA!!' Maria turns, screams something in Spanish and then jumps him. ( They start 'making-out' and they stumble over to a 'bed' Maria gets on her lover and they have a sheet thrown over them, and they make(what i assume is) 'Chicki Chcki'...(This is where I would draw a line) (Notice I said 'would') Then her husband comes home, sees them in bed, shoots her, shoots her lover and then shoots himself. Which is pretty par for the course I guess.

This is all going on and every minute that passes, I think to the junk am I going to get out of this?! Then I know what?, When in Cuba...

So i'm up, all I have to do, is do it the same way as I saw it...I grab my broom, and I start sweeping, then my husband leaves for work and the pink panther music starts... then my lover calls my name, my brain screams NO, but my heart cried DO IT. I threw down my broom and practically tackled him, we started to fake make out and headed over to the bed. My brain again screamed NO and my heart was like H-NO. So we tried to push me onto the bed, and I was havin none of that. I slipped under his arm, kicked out his leg, pushed him face first onto the bed and pinned him there with my elbow. Then he starts making mmmm-noises. ew. Eventually my husband comes home and ends it all. Thank heavens. Overall, it was pretty good, the crowd seemed to enjoy it. Next up was Tara. She had to do it in slow-motion. I'm SO happy im not her, she did really good, it was hilarious. She threw in a bend-and-snap moment. Then there were two others, one girl had to do it asian style, and the last girl did it in a role-reversal style. At the end the crowd voted for who they liked the best, I think tara got fourth, apparently the bend and snap routine doesn't translate. The girl who did it role reversal style was third and it was quite the battle between myself and the asian style chick. Eventually she won, but I swear it was only because she was wearing a LITTLE black dress and bright green underwear... Which is fine by me, cause she won a bottle of rum. What would I do for a bottle of rum?

This next one I debated telling. But, well, here it is. Don't judge me. One night, We decided to go crash to boys' place. So we wen't in search of the bus. A few taxis stopped but we turned them away. It would cost us 5 pesos more to take a taxi. In retrospect, it would've been totally worth it. So we went walking, and we found the bus, it was parked apparently waiting to make its last run of the night. We hopped on and it started going, really slow. Like it was driving about how fast we were walking. Odd. So we are sittin up top at the back and we pass a couple of guys who are walking on the street, and they see us and start yelling "Hey, come party! Pretty ladies, come party with us!" We politely declined the offer to get raped. And they bus continued on, still at a Terri Fox-pace. And they walked after the bus, it was like a slow death. Why wouldn't the dirver speed up, why wouldn't these guys just go away? They kept yelling to us "Come on! Party! Come down here!" There was nothing I could do about it. I had this feeling like something horrible was about to happen. "Why don't YOU come up HERE?!?" It had happened. I just looked at her with my 'Really?...'-expression and I had avoided actually looking at them this whole time, but I felt the need to see what was about to unfold. They looked at each other and ran up to the bus. The bus driver stopped. I heard them get on the bus, and they made their way up top. I was sitting on the back bench right in the middle, and they were walking straight towards us, I slid over to far side of the bus. It was because I didn't want to have them on either side of me, I wanted to deal one on one... you know...if anything was gonna happen. Anyway, I guess they thought it was so they could sit between us. Bad decision on my part. One of many to come. Also moving over was a bad choice cause all of a sudden I was cornered. All I could see was his big black head and the street 12 feet below. Crap. So we started talking, as we talked I calmed down a bit. He was actually just a nice Cuban guy, he drove taxis. The bus hadn't sped up at all. I could tell this was going to be a LONG ride. So we continued talking, "So what do you think of Cuba?" "I like it, its beautiful!" "You're beautiful." ...Oh no. Insert quick subject change. "So do you know much Spanish?" I told him I did, a little, so we started playing the 'Do you know what *this word* means?' Game. We went through a few every day words, common phrases... "Hola" Hello. "Como Estas?" How are you? Then we got into more difficult words "Cuanto?" How much? "besos" ..Kiss... No, no,no. Again, change of subject. Our bus had moved about four blocks by now. Somebody shoot me. We kept talking, apparently his sister is in some kind of dental school. ...EVERYBODY is in some kind of dental school. Again, he starts hitting on me. Again, I am like NO. There really isn't anywhere for me to go at this point in time... so I start thinkin, you know...I've never kissed a black guy... I could do it, just to say that i've done it...NO, Alaya, you are sick. Stop it... He keeps flirting. I keep rejecting his advances. We kind of run out of things to talk about... kissing never hurt anyone... he mentioned that he needed to get off the bus pretty soon, and was a now or never, why not moment. So I kissed him. Shortly after I started kissing him, his buddy is like, we have to go! Then they both invited us to some dance club. "Yeah, we'll meet you there..." ...I turn to Tara, she gives me this look... I told her I kissed him. She said thats gross, I agreed and proceeded to tell her how gross. He smelled like rum, it was like kissing ...i don't even know, a half dog, half moose creature... The bus finally picked up speed. Its like the driver was waiting for me to do something stupid. Memorable. But stupid. I may have gotten some kind of herpes... I pretty much ate my chapstick afterwards... I should just stop talking...

On to Havana!! So we road tripped out to Havana, BEAUTIFUL city. If you are into that kind of thing. We rented this tiny little car. Cute eh?

On the way there Tara waved at everyone that would even look at her, cute little Tara-waves. At one point I say to Tara "That is not how you wave if you want some attention. I'll show you how to wave... Next car we pass." So we pass this blue little car,

and I give them a signature Alaya, 'come hither' wave. Curse my natural magnetism, they sped up to check us out, and then they saw Tara. Instantly they wanted her. We would play the speed up, slow down car flirting game, then they dropped back and disappeared for a while. About 10 minutes later they were back with a sign asking where we were going, Tara had her journal and a pen so she started writting notes back to them, we traded phone numbers and then they stuck up a sign that said "switch cars" Lol, we'd jump in a car with strange, mildly attractive, young Cuban boys... That would make a fun story though... Anyway, eventually they gave up. We got into cuba and we walked around this fortress, so cool.

It made me wish I knew a little more about Cuba's history.

Then we got onto this buggy and got a tour of the city

Pretty sweet, he took us to this restaraunt in the middle of the city, a little over priced, but awesome.

Plus, it had a sweet view. Food wasn't bad, entertainment was awesome. And the owner gave Tara and I each a white rose.

Then we went and had some fun on our own. Thats MY plan...its backwards...and from a year before I was born, but its MINE!
Sweet tree.

Then we walked along the wharf, and watched the sunset. So awesome!

And we found some old artillery. And this is probably one of my most favorite pics of all time.
Cuba was awesome. But I'm sure you are done with this, three posts in a row business.


  1. Haha oh man.....I laughed out laud for quite a while at the bus story. You are crazy. And now my parents think I am crazy because I am alone laughing at who knows what.

  2. I literally cannot believe you posted the bus story. Your self-esteem is solid.