Friday, May 28, 2010

Office Inappropriate

I contemplated making a whole blog devoted to the Inappropriate things that are said and done in our office; however, I have enough issues with consistently writing in this blog, I couldn't possibly handle two. So Here is a reccurring theme I will have regularily in this blog.

Today's topic?

Guess the sex of the patient day.

I love days like these. Itsprobably the best game ever.
A few things that make this game more interesting:

1- Ambiguous Name. Ex. Jordan, Taylor or Jamie.
2- Sex of patient not listed in computer.
3- Person in gender-question is not a patient, but is accompanying a patient
4- In the chart of the patient, in the 'gender box' they've checked female, scratched it out and checked male.

Im not sure why I find it so entertaining, but I do. And its great cause everyone in the office plays it. I would not have even known today was game day, if one of the hygenists hadn't pointed it out to me. What at first glance, clearly looked like a guy, upon further investigation had some overly feminine features. This had been brought to my attention just before they left, so I didn't have much time. Over sized leather jacket, tight black jeans, VERY short-boy-cut hair, no jewlery, was with a prego girl who was obviously younger... during the cleaning person in question sat very close to the prego girl, alomst always touching her leg...though... she had a faminine face. I went with woman. I won. According to the hygenist, it was a mother daughter pair. Weird.

I've gotten pretty good at this game. I highly recommend playing it, maybe not at your place of work, but try the mall. Always a good time. The only drawback to playing at the mall, you will never know if you are right... unless you are feeling especially ballsy. No pun intended.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Long Live May. Long.

Well. Here's to a weekend. And here's to what im sure is going to be quite the post.

Typically, my May Long weekend AKA Vistoria Day Weekend, is spent in Waterton. In fact, before this year, I have spent every May Long in Waterton. I broke with tradition, im still not quite sure how i feel about it, but whats done is done.

Saturday Morning I wake up, pack up and head out. Ok, it was barely Saturday morning, it was like 11. I slept in. So, im on my way to Heart Mountian, in Banff-area. And i'm driving through calgary. I HATE calgary. And I severely over-estimated my short-cut taking abilities. There are always accidents. And construction. You try and avoid, or work around them, and you run into worse accidents and more construction. So fun. It took me 45 minutes to drive through Calgary. Shoot me! Anyway, I get to Heart Creek, been there before, it was easy to find. Hiked up the trail 5minutes, and as im walking I can see the top of the wall/cliff face/rock, and climbing at the very top was some guy in blur pajama pants and a bright orange-yellow jacket... He totally looked like he belonged climbing rocks. I get to the bottom of the wall and I see Randy, who is belaying the kid in the pajama pants. And I walk over, I recognize susan, but can never for the life of me remember her name, and Laura was beside her, and I was introduced to the rest of the poeple there. Prety much I didn't know anyone. meh. I asked who was on the wall, Laura said it was Shawn, apparently im horrible with names cause it wasn't until he came off the wall and started talking to me that i remembered him. We stayed at the wall for a while longer, the sky was threatening to rain and the wind picked up and everyone else has been there since 11 and they were all freezing so we went back to their camp.

On the way back, Laura almost tripped on a rock, and she had her hands in her pockets, I made the comment that its a good thing she caught herself, cause that definitely would've been a face-plant. This sparked the would you get married if... conversation. Broken leg-yes, Broken arm-yes, Sprained ankle-yes. Pretty much it came down to the fact that she just REALLY didn't want to smash her face before the wedding. She said this numerous times. "I just don't want to smash my face before the wedding" ... so we got back to camp, we built a fire and we were unpacking food from the car; and Laura goes to get something from the back seat, she tries to maneuver between the open trunk lid and the tree next to it... Bam. Smashes her face. Oh Irony. It swelled up pretty big, nice goose egg. it even started to bruise a bit. I found this hilarious. It was the one thing she didn't want to happen. We iced it, the swelling went down, and im sure it will be gone before next saturday...
You can't see it, but its there... Hopefully it is gone by Saturday. Im excited for her. Randy and Laura are such a perfect couple. She deserves the best, and well, it doesn't really get much better than Randy Lucas. He loves her more than ive seen anyone love anybody. Which usually makes me sick, and provokes some sarcastic remark about how no one wants to see that, but in this case it just makes me happy. She's been the best friend ever. I don't know what I would've done without her. Anyway, we sat around roasted smokies chatted about random stuff, at one point in time we were all quoting the Simpsons episode where Lisa becomes a vegitarian. Good times. Aww, the last time I'll hang out with non-married them. Precious moments.

After Dinner I went back to Calgary for KT's Lumberjack-themed Party. This was my kind of party. I wear plaid. I cut down trees. I am Lumberjack. Pretty much it was a great party. Good people, good food. Oh and speaking of food. Kelsey made a lumberjack cake...
Well done. It was magical. And for those of you who have memory lapses, I think to truely appreciate the value of this cake, you must watch this video.
Wow, um blast from the past. I greatly enjoyed every moment of that. And i'll tell you this. A log drivers waltz... pleases girls COMPLETELY. Watch it again. I know you want to. The original plan for the rest of the weekend was for me to stay with my brother and go home sunday afternoon. That didn't happen. Im glad that didn't happen. I miss hanging with the Hemmingers. Good people. They put me to shame, really. Sunday, we went to church, after church we went back to their place and sung church sings around their piano. Oh, that I could be so spiritual. Oh, and another reason Im glad I didn't go home- I would've missed Kt, hitting on a telemarketer. Monday we are sitting around chattin, and Kelsey gets this phone call. She talks to this guy for a ridiculous amount of time. She really humors him, which really I cant stand, so KT and I start telling her to say stuff to this guy, she refuses, but she hands over the phone to KT. Golden Moment.
KT: ... So, what are you wearing? (...) What are you wearing? (...) Im not really interested in the deal, i AM curious as to what you have on though. (...) Yes, ok bye!

For real, I just about died. KT=my hero.

Monday, I stop at ikea on my way out of calgary, drive home. Another priceless moment? Yes. I get home, and Im sitting in my living room with a couple people. Becky and hugh are just finishing cleaning out becky's room. Hugh comes into the living room with a rake. ... I look at him. I ask him whats with the rake. He says he was cleaning becky's room... Im like- "...With a rake?" He says yes. I don't believe him, ask him again. He says the same thing, and proceeds to explain how it doesn't hurt the carpet and how he raked all the stuff in her room into a pile.
...with a rake... He had to rake the garbage out of becky's room... Hahahahaha. OH man. It would be sad, and disgusting if it wasn't so funny. With monday almost over, Trev and I went to Neal's to play a little rock band, then I dropped Trev off at his house and decided to take my Caddy off-roading behind my old place. The caddy has some guts. Love it. And that was my weekend. All good things.


SO. Friday. The day of Becky's Wedding. Now, the whole Becky thing is a long story. If you don't know, its probably better that way. All you need know is it was/is kind of a roller coaster friendship. Anyway, I woke up that morning, and was about to go to work, but right before I was about to leave I decided to go talk to Becky, it was her wedding day after all. We talked for a long time, and previous to this, I was not going to go to her wedding, I had to work and I just wasn't really sure how I felt about the whole thing. After talking to her, I felt like I would supremely regret it if I missed it. Then I went to work... a little late.

Now, I've never really felt emotionally exhausted. To be emotionally exhausted, you have to have emotions... but oh man. Its a horrible feeling. Half way through the morning, I cornered my boss, asked if I could have the afternoon off, then I started to explain why. As I was explaining it, the whole situation with me and Becky and everything, I was like "oh shut up Alaya. Shut up shut up shut up" But it just kept coming out. And as I was talking I saw this look of horror creep into my boss's face, it was a look that said "I really don't want to know." So prety much I dumped on my boss. Which, for anyone who doesn't know, is SO AWKWARD. By the end of my little speech he was like -ok, thats fine. GO. ...eeeeeee

So, I get out of there at 2:30, book it home and go up to my room to change. There were a few people in my house getting ready, none of whom I recognized. So im upstairs changing and I hear Becky's voice downstairs "Alaya... can you come help me?" So, I run downstairs, she is in the bathroom, and the zipper on her dress is split. Its every brides worst nightmare. The pull is stuck at the top and the zipper is split all the way down. Becky kept it together reeeeally weel for what happened. We tried for like 10 minutes trying to budge the pull. It wasn't going anywhere. Finally we just safety pinned it together all the way down and stuck a flower in it. Personally I thought it looked pretty good. Anyway, So we go down to Popson Park, the wind is blowing like it normally does here, but everything went really smoothly. The Jugde-reverend-Lady was kinda weird though.

So after the ceremony I stuck around took a couple pics.

Then I went back to work for an hour. Woo. After which I went to the family dinner. Which was boarderline weird cause I was the only one there, minus the best man and the maid of honor, that wasn't family. And I know I didn't do describing this day justice, but really, it was full of all kinds of emotions, and really, I am sooo not used to dealing with that. And thus, really exhausted. After the Family dinner, I took Becky's dress to my dear sweetheart of a mother and she fixed it up for Becky, cause becky planned on wearing it saturday too. My mother is an angel. Love her, she did a fantastic job, with a little input from myself and Annalise. It ended up looking better than it was originally supposed to look.

Friday night was also the institute activity, which I went to for a short period of time, I wasn't really feeling all too social. Then Kyla and I decided to ditch and catch an action movie. Best. Choice. Ever.

So That was friday. Please stay tuned for the recap of my May Long. It was a good one.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Office Softball

So, I never really thought 'Office Softball' was a real thing. Just like 'Company Picnics' it was something movie producers made up so they had an excuse to have some kind of awkward gathering... Or something. The point is, i'm playing softball on Team Hall Dental, Aka 'Drill it and Fill it'. Its good times. Our first game was last Thursday. It was pretty much a blast. We won one, lost one, i wasn't totally useless. It felt pretty good. Spent some time bonding with people that I don't usually talk much to.

Anyway, this week was a little different. Ok, well it WAS still fun. First game we played we had a crappy first inning and they scored like 12 runs. Ooops. But it was fun, good sported team. First downside of the night- There was the husband/boyfriend/male companion to one of our receptionists there, said receptionist wasn't there. They don't really have a happy relationship as far as i can tell. He creeps me out, to the max. ...Ok, not to the max. But a hefty dose of creep, he is. I'll blog about it sometime. He is just all kinds of inappropriate... and there is something about him that says pedophile serial killer to me... ANYWAY. So that was little speed bump #1. Speed bump #2? After so many years of playing contact sports, wrestling with siblings, and generally being an idiot- sometimes my body decides to fall apart. First time at bat, I swung, hit, and started to sprint. About the third step in, I step kind of funny, and my hip decides it doesn't like being in its proper place, and tries to adjust itself. Not a pleasant feeling. It feels as if all the muscles surrounding my hip are pulled. Mmmmm. Also, first throw I threw, my shoulder didn't like... Just cause I seperated you like a year ago! Stupid body...

Anyway, once more of our team showed up, that game went better, we couldn't come back to win, but we got close. Highlight of the night-Playing ball on the big field, under the lights. Well it would've been the highlight if we didn't get our trash handed to us. Im not complaining, I know how to lose. Grade 10 taught me that. But this was ridiculous. We play in Division E. Aka-we are a bunch of misfits that like to drink beer league. The team we played was comprised of people that played in college/competitively. They made huge hits, homeruns were kind of the norm for them. All of them could run, hit catch and throw amazingly. The final score? like 40-0. Now, thats a lil much don't you think?

Anyway Positives to the night? Becky joined us! Woo woo! I like that kid. Shes a keeper, she gave me drugs mmmm. Also Kenzie Sheen made it out. And I will tell you a secret. I LOVE Kenzie, and i will tell you why. She is probably one of the most genuinely nice people I know. Shes totally motivating, serious team player. She's athletic and there's just something about her that makes you want to be a better person when shes around. Also, she decided to help my stretch out my hip, and after she had done so, it immediately felt better. Magic that girl is. That and shes totally hot.

Oh man, i'm gonna hurt tomorow. My shoulder and my hip are not going to be my friends. Eeeeeee.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Handsome Man Quote Wall

So, at our place of business, we recently recieved an advertisment poster for nite white. And while it is an exceptional product, one which i recommend often, the advertisment was...less-than-desirable looking. OK, poor wording, it was desirable...Mmmmm.

So the ad was a poster of this guy, and a bunch of nasty before/after shots ot teeth.

All of us at the office, had a pretty good laugh at the cheesy smile of this man. It was sentenced to the recycling pile. Then i thought, you know, a giant picture of a beautiful man could be so useful in so many situations, it would be a shame to just throw it away. As I thought pondering the many uses of this man's face, my co-worker Ashley, Aka- Flick, (who is a genius) straight up tells me what to do with it. She says I should take it home, put it on my wall, stick poster-board around it and make an "Handsome Man Quote Wall" The point being, instead of a regular quote wall, where random funny things that people say are written, the things written on this wall, must apply to the handsome man/be something this handsome man would say.

Naturally I went home and did it. Whether the suggestion was a joke or not. Its funny. And now on my wall.

What does this beautiful man say to you?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I've forgotten how to run. I will admit it. Its better to admit that, than to admit that there never was a time in your life, that you did know how to run. ... No, im sure at one point in my life i didn't look like a complete retard when i ran. ...fairly sure. Like 90% sure, there was a time in my life when i ran well... When i ran fine. ...When i ran ok.

I went for a run tonight. After months of 'i should really start running again' and 'i'm going to go for a run everyday' I actually did it. I sort of did it last, it was Monday night. But that really wasn't a run. It was a couple laps around my backyard, then I took a lap around the park behind my house cause i felt silly running in circles. Then I ran back to my house and decided I wanted to do a 10-down. Just to see how long it would take me. Oh, I was feeling ambitious all right. I started my ten down, after the sit-ups, burpees and about halfway through the pushups, i decided to make it a 7-down. ....Then i quit at about 3. or 4...

(For those of you that are not aquianted with a '10-down', here is how it goes. You have point A and about 20m away, point B. Starting at Point A you do 10 pushups, situps, burpees, mountain climbers, Thinker(30 secs) Squat(30secs). Then you sprint to point B, do 9 of each. Sprint back to point A, do 8 of each. And you do this all the way down. Hence the name 10.Down.)

Anyway, tonight was actually a run-run. My mom came over to pick up something from my house and I asked her to drive me somewhere so i could run home. I hate running loops, I love running PointA to PointB. So much more satisfying. So I'm about to go, and my dear mother says "Alaya, no alleys", Mother please. So I say fine(lie) but i tell her i'm going to run through the park. And my dear mother is like "No. Stay on the sidewalks. ..." Again. Come now mother. Dont be silly. First of all, its only 10:30. And Secondly, I'll be fine. And i'll tell you why. I'm big, and intimidating and running. Logically, no one would dare touch me because if I am running it is because
A- I am running from something bigger, meaner and uglier than i am, and if you were to grab me, it would catch up, and the end result would not be pretty;
B- I am obviously athletic and motivated, which natuarally means im probably strong enough to kick your trash; or
C- I'm chasing something that may or may not have the potential to be my food, and if you get in my way, i'll eat you.

Silly mothers, worry for nothing. Anyway, back to my point. I look like a retard when i run. I really need to figure this out. I was watching my shadow run as I ran along streetlights, and pretty much, i could probably pass for (enter politically incorrect, totally inappropriate noun here, ex:Terry Fox/Special Olympics, your choice) It was kind of distrubing, im just glad no one was around. So, this is something I need to work on. And I will. Because I dont do anything else. For real. My living room is a gym. And other than work and the occassional institute class, I don't see people, oh and also not counting going to rugby games. Other than those three things, really i don't do anything. Eeeeee.

So, office-softball is tomorrow. That should be a riot. I cant play softball. That freaking ball is huge. And both my shoulders are ruined so I cant throw well, I can't hit an underhand pitch for the life of me.(Give me a fastball, give me a curve fine, I can hit a baseball. But those dang underhanders screw with me.) Oh, and i look like an idiot when i run. Riot.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Confessional 1

So, i would assume that anyone who reads this blog is a close, dear friend of mine, a friend that wouldn't judge me, and would continue loving me no matter what... or else you are a complete stranger, and this will fo reals give me some kind of blog-street-cred. Word.

So here goes, things that people don't really know about me, that i think people should-

I sleep with a baby blanket.

If you needed help disposing of a body, i'd probably help. Also, id probably not get caught.

I watch too much CSI.

I haven't worn deoderant for several months... no one has said anything yet.

I don't scare easily. I love to scare people.

Sometimes I buy expensive water for the sole pupose of justifying my use of the phrase "Oh my gosh! Where is my Evian?"

Sometimes I sleep with a rugby ball.

I over-explain.

I hate people that over-explain.

The rear-view mirror in my car is almost never pointed out my back window... its angled so that i can look at myself while i drive.

I am the greatest brown-noser of ALL time.

I find it easier to do the right thing when everyone around me is doing the wrong thing because i enjoy the fact that i am better than them.

If you are reading this, you could probably beat me in an arm wrestle.

Sometimes, I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

I collect knives. (They range in size from tiny to machete)

I have a knife under my pillow right now...

Acording to my itunes playlist, ive listened to the song "Amaranth" by Nightwish 286 times. ...This is not my most played song.

So, not so much embarassing, just informative. Now you know. There will probably be more of these to come.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Book of Mormon

I am jumping on the bandwagon, cause frankly, its a pretty darn good lookin bandwagon. YeeHaw! There is a facebook event trying to get this video some notice. A valid, and worthwhile goal I think, so i'll support. And just so we are clear, this may be the only non-sarcastic post you will see from me. There are atleast 60 000 people doing this. Awesome? Yes. So here it is, I recommend watching it. I've watched it several times. Jeffrey R. Holland is the man.

I know this to be true. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only true and living church on the earth. Joesph Smith was a prophet, the Book of Mormon is a testament of Jesus Christ, it will bring you closer to God, it will give you peace and comfort in times of need. President Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God. This gospel has the power to change people. It is happiness. Its the way to true joy. I know God lives. He knows you and He loves you. Jesus Christ is our Savior. He died for us, that we may return to him. This I say in His name. Amen.