Wednesday, June 23, 2010


First off, Its titled 'Re-Ethel' its not like it happened again, more like an imaginary do-over. And if you haven't read my blogpost "Ethel" please go read it first.

It has been brought to my attention that the other night, whilst saving an old lady, I should've gotten Will's number. If for no other reason than to let him know that good ol Ethel was ok. This having been brought to my attention got me thinking- about how that night COULD have gone. I guess I was too focused on the major issue to actually consider the details... In other words, my heroic, lifesaving impulse trumped my sex drive. Which is obviously wrong. If television has taught me anything, its that those two impulses should work in tandum. Near-death-experience-makeouts are the shiz. And, i feel, this category extends to saving others lives...

Back to the details. Looking back, I remember details, that if actually taken into account then, might have entire changed the outcome of that night... Thus I give to you, the details of the night. Things I noticed, and what should've happened that night...

As I was pulling up the street, I saw Will walk into his house, im pretty sure he saw the old lady. He didn't come back out of the house until I had helped Ethel to the sidewalk. This was sometime later, after he saw me helping her. The conclusion I draw from this- He wants me.

He shows real concern for the lady, but keeps looking at me. Oh yeah. Definitely wants me.

I go to get a jacket out of my car, he takes the lady by the arm, offers his shoes to her. He was trying to impress me with his sensitive caring attitude.

Mistake I made? I called my Mom. Never call your Mom when you have a man. Mom=mood killer.

He says we should get her somewhere warm, he suggests that maybe she just needs to sit down for a while, he glances back at his house. You sly dog, did you just nonchalantly invite me back to your place? Clever.

At this point, the cops would show up(cops make every situation more sexy... unless you are getting a ticket), my mom wouldn't be there, we'd find Ethel's home, and all of a sudden we would be relieved that Ethel is safe and sound.

Enter near-death-experience-makeout. He was cute in kind of a punk-skater sort of way. And we all know how I kiss people I just met. So, this would've worked out perfectly. Mm.

Too bad my good impulses override my bad ones.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


An odd thing happened... I was driving over to my parents house tonight, it was about 10:00. I was coming down Modesto road, and in the distance I could see something in the road. I slowed down. Coming closer I see that its a person. An old lady. My immediate thought was 50 points!! Just kidding.

I pull closer to the lady, I can see that she is awake, and in sort of a sitting position in the middle of the road. I stop my car and ask her if she's ok. She says 'no'. ...Obviously. I ask her if she needs help, and she says 'yes'. I pull my car over to the side of the road park it and walk over to her. She tells me that she can't get up. From the way she was sitting in the middle of the road, it looked like she fell there, then sat herself up. Shes not wearing shoes, nor is she wearing a coat, i'd guess shes about 75 years old. I ask her if i can help her up, she says 'yes'. So I begin trying to help her, but its not much use, so I pick her up entirely, as gentley as I could and walked her over to the side walk.

At this point, there was a guy that came out of his house to come see if we needed help. His name was Will. He had kind of shaggy, long hair and two lip rings. I've never met anyone with a lip ring whom I didn't like. Its like all the good, kind people of the world get their lip pierced. ...Anyway. Together we talked to her, tried to figure out where she came from, who she was... Her name was Ethel. I found this humourous becuase thats what my ipod is named. ...Anyway. She was freezing, it was a little after 10, and the sun was setting, thank heavens for this being the longest day of the year. I had a coat in my car, so I went and grabbed it for her, and I was walking back over and I saw that Will had taken off his shoes, and was trying to get Ethel to put them on. Seriously, nice guy.

At this point I had two options, call the police, or call my mom. My mom was just around the corner, so I figured I'd call her, then she could call the poilce. We all win. Will asked if he could go, and we said we'd take care of it. We knew she had to live fairly close by, because her socks weren't that dirty, but we'd never seen her before, so she lived probably a block or two away. She was totally disorientated. She knew her name, and she could remember eating breakfast, but it was all black between breakfast and now. She kept saying she was 'with the girls' and she 'was fine this morning'. We asked if she was married, she said she was, but she wasn't sure if her husband was alive or dead. I got Ethel into my car to wait for the police, and i cranked the heat.

I love Lethbridge. Three cruisers showed up. 6 police officers. Sweet. They tried to talk to Ethel, couldn't get much information from her. So they started knocking on doors. They called it in, to see if anyone had reported a missing person. Turns out her husband just called to report Ethel missing, she lived around the corner and down a couple blocks. It was actually a lot farther than I thought she could walk.

So, I offered to drive her home. I was parked on the west side of the street and needed to turn around so I joked with the officer "you aren't going to give me a ticket for flipping a U-ie right here are you?" She laughed at that and said no. Then the officer in the other cruiser looked at me and said "She said no...but i might." Funny people. I'm glad cops are real people.

She got home safe and sound. I kind of felt bad for her. This whole ordeal took like an hour from the time I found her in the middle of the road to the time she was back in her house. I hope I never get like that. I couldn't imagine not knowing anything about myself or where I was... It would be scary.

So, thats how I spent my night. It was nice having a positive conversation with the police, for a change... and I guess I did my good deed. So, overall- successful night. For real though, I hope she's good.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Apparently Im really old.

I am 23 years old. This makes me an old lady. I had no idea. Maybe I was just in an old-mood tonight...
I made a "Marsha Marsha Marsha" joke. I wasn't aware that people don't know who the Brady Bunch are.
Later on, we were trying to decide what to watch, and we were flipping through movies and we found 'Short Circuit' a few of us started doing Johnny 5 quotes. Again... we were the minority.
And to top it all off, someone asked who Neil Patrick Harris was. First thing out of my mouth? Doogie Howser. Oh man.

I guess I should go handwrite a letter to my grandma about the good ol days... Then I can go put on my moon shoes, listen to my walkman, flip through an Eatons catalogue and wait for Batman to come on tv. Yeah, the one starring Adam West. Biff, Zork, Pow!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Get Outta my HOUSE!

Titled "Get out of my house" A quote from the Nineteen eighties epic Adventures in Babysitting

Ok, so there is nobody IN my house. For real, im living in a giant house all by myself. I said that, it occurs to me that people probably shouldn't know that because its an invitation for stalker/murderers to pay me a visit. At the same time I say let them come. I've got more weapons stashed more places in this house than you know what to do with, and if you are going to attack me on my own turf, you might as well just punch a cop in a police station. Cause i'll take you down. Anyway. Thats not the point.

The point is- I can tell if there is somebody in my house. Also, I can tell when somebody has been in my house. I came home from being out all day, and somebody was in my house. Immediately I stopped and listened to see if they were still there, they weren't. So I set about checking if the valuables were still there, TV, Xbox, Appliances, Drugs(heaven help anyone that snakes my drugs...) Everything was still there. Odd. I texted the majority of my roommates, they hadn't stopped by. So right now, I curse the fact I know when someone has been in my house, because i'll probably not find out WHO, or WHY, obviously the more important questions. So I gues there isn't really much I can do. So. Great...


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Can't Take Me Anywhere.

So, there was a 3m Infection Control/Dental Sterilization seminar type thing tonight. I missed the memo about how these things actually go down... I was expecting to be sitting in a row of horrible chairs staring at a guy standing at a podium 40 feet away, in a gym-type room. I was WAY off. It was held at the new hotel "Coast" in one of their confefrence rooms, I walk in, still in my scrubs, got my water bottle in my hand and my jacket on, to chairs neatly set around tables that have cream table cloths on them. At the end of the room there were a few tables set up of "refreshments" AKA- quiche, meatballs, wings, cheese, friut... they were serving wine. What. The. Junk. I don't know about you dental people... but if this is what passes for seminars... count me in.

On to the point of the evening. Infection Control. Which is my job. I found out very quickly that it was going to be a long night. My first clue was in the guy's power point, the first few slides explained what the word sterilization means. So I got bored. I started making comments on everything the guy was saying. Garner was usually the only one to hear, but I found it amusing enough. For a while. An hour later I take out my pen and write on the back of my notebook "I don't understand ANY of this!" I passed it down to Sue. Sue, our table laughed, Sue wrote back "We're going to fire you tomorrow" Our table sytarted laughing again. Almost to the point of disrupting the speaker. And it kind of broke down from there. I'm a horrible influence. The guy started talking about labelling guns. Terri said she wanted one, I said I wanted three, then proceeded to make a wild west gunslinger motion. Again, our table was laughing. Julie chimed in a few times, I love her little bits she adds to conversations....So sarcastic, so funny. Also, Refreshments nothing! I don't care if you give me a tiny plate, no one on earth can stack a plate like me. That was kind of a gong show, people gave me funny looks. I kind of felt like a hobo crashing a wedding. Hmmm, i've been feeling like a hobo alot this week. Drowned Hobo, Wedding Crasher Hobo, Stalker Hobo. Oh well.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Lie to me, Mr. Weatherman

Do you ever feel like the Weather Network is like a huge, horrible ad?

Forecast for Saturday, June 5th- 40% chance of isolated/scattered showers, with <1 mm precipitation. High-18, wind- Calm.

Yes please, i'll take a little of that action.
"Hello, Mr. ScatteredShowers... gee, you look an awful lot like torrential downpour."

Mr. ScatteredShowers shows up on your doorstep for your date. And he turns out to be this monsoon... you know the kind that decreases visibility, the raindrops fall so hard and so fast that they bounce off the ground 8 feet and fall again... And you think this is ok because 10 minutes ago you were sunny, and in about another 10 minutes you'll be sunny again. So im with a weather that, not only is an overweight 40 year old man living in his mom's basement... he happens to be an alcoholic with a gambling problem and a history of violence. Sunny, Downpour, Sunny... And all anyone ever sees is the sunny... and people wonder where you got those bruises on your face. Hmm.

Oh good. Its sunny again. Too bad everything outside is soaking wet.

Dear WeatherMatch,
Please screen your applicants more carefully. No one wants to end up with your misfit weather.

I guess the lesson we can take from this is what you see, may not be what you get. Especially when you trust weathermen.

EFF YOU!! you stupid birds and sunshine!! I know the second I put this computer down, and try and go outside, The rain will come right back. Seriously, he's probably hiding behind my shed. Oh and Eff you Weatherman!

Friday, June 4, 2010

World Cup

Im not a huge soccer fan, i never have been. Frankly, I don't really understand the sport. Playing it can be fun, sometimes; however, watching it is like watching fireworks in lethbridge... You wait, and you wait.... and wait, then you get 5 minutes of fireworks, and people cheer. Then you wait again. And a while later you get another five minutes, people cheer again. Really its all about anticipation, cause the show, is totally not worth it. Thats how soccer goes. People are on the edge of their seats, waiting for something to happen. They wait, and wait, and finally somebody scores and they go crazy cause they've been waiting so long for it... And then the game ends 10 minutes later with a score of 1-0. That is my major problem with the sport. Im not even going to go into the fact that soccer players are pansies and drama queens. They are barely touched and its the end of the world. Im sure they are running SO fast that if something throws off their balance they just spin out of control right? Though, I did see that guy headbutt that other guy a few years back... I guess that was entertaining. So, go ahead, count down to FIFA. I'd rather watch women play real sports.

Speaking of which, While you are all enjoying your precious soccer, in the FIFA vs WWRC battle, i'll gladly take Womens World Rugby Cup. Less than 100 days to go! GO CANADA!!

I might as well throw this in there too- RWC NEW ZEALAND 2011. Im going. This post marks 462 days, 11 hours and 40 minutes until the first kickoff in RWC'11. Come with me. It will be the biggest, best party of your life. Who DOESN'T want to go to New Zealand? Who DOESN'T want to see the most attractive men in the world play the greatest sport ever created? I submit to you, there isn't a soul out there, in their right mind who doesn't. And now that you have this much warning, start saving up. For real. If you put away $7/day for the next 462 days, you'll be set. The more people we cram into a hotel room, the cheaper it will be! My plan is to go for a week and a half, hit a New Zealand vs France, a Canada vs Japan and a SouthAfrica vs Samoa, maybe an England vs Scotland! Bam. OH baby. But for serious, you know you want to go. You have over a year to scrape together cash. Think about it.
You DON'T want to miss this.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

New Month's Resolution

I've decided to make a new month's resolution. I feel like you people need to be informed, on a more regular basis, about what is going on in my life. So, here it is.


Thank you.

Happy New Month!