A series of ADD events.

I got up today, with the intention of doing laundry cleaning my room and wrapping presents.... none of this happened. Or some of it kind of happened.

I have cleaning ADD when I get into a cleaning mood. This is how my day went-

I wanted to do laundry, but I needed to clean my room and sort the clean from the dirty, I started cleaning my room but I have this poster lying on my floor that I have been meaning to put up, so I went downstairs to get some push-pins to put up the poster. My Christmas tree was still in pieces, so I decided to put it back together. And I had to re-string all the lights. While putting up the tree I noticed the floor was really dirty so I had to sweep. I dumped the dirt I swept up from the floor in the garbage, noticed it was pretty full, so I had to take it out. After taking the bag out of the garbage, I noticed that something has fallen in between the bag and the bin, and it was really gross so I had to wash it out, but the sink had some dishes in it, so I started on the dishes, noticed the dishwasher was full so I had to empty it, but then I had to go to the bathroom, and in there, I noticed I needed to take the garbage out of there, and then I started cleaning in there... And all of a sudden it was 8pm.... Weird. I walked back out to the kitchen, the garbage bin in the sink, and dishes half unloaded, and Kiera looking really confused. I explained. She just laughed.

And then he kissed me...

As you know i've been trying not to kiss him. And I don't want to be one to kiss and tell. But yeah...

I couldn't help it. For real. I hadn't seen him pretty much all weekend, actually, it had been since last Thursday. He got sick, and we've been playing tag with this cold, so we decided it would be best if we stayed apart till he kicked it. I did stop by Saturday with some cold medicine and stuff, but other than that, nothin.

He came over Monday. Cooked me up one of his mom's pies. And I couldn't help it. Literally, there was almost nothing I could do.

First thought after he left? I can't believe he kissed me looking like this. Eeee.

Pretty much i'm going to spare everyone the details. Of pretty much everything cause I'm sure you are sick of hearing it.

Birthday Presents

So. Its my birthday. I don't mind birthdays. I kind of enjoy them actually. You know what I don't like? Birthday Presents. I never really understood them. What is it? "Here, congratulations! You were born!" ...Yeah...thanks? It really wasn't a whole lot of work for me. Congratulate my mom, she did most of the work...Im just here.

And its awkward. Getting presents. I'm really easy to please, and there's a really good chance that anything you give me i'll like, but I don't like getting something for nothing. And I don't count surviving another year of life as doing something. Oh well, what do you do?

On another note. Remember that freak out I had about Dallas, don't worry. Its fine. Just like Lauren said it would be. He still wants to kiss me, and i've kind of turned it into a little game...where I tempt him, and then shut him down. Example. The other day, he was being a turd. So I jumped on him, and pinned him- one arm under my knee, the other in my hand, half my weight just sitting on his chest, our faces dangerously close... He then asked "now that you have me...what are you going to do with me?" I paused. Locked eyes. Leaned a little closer, and proceeded to blow a raspberry on his neck and laugh like a little girl! ...I'm a horrible person.

Also, on a side note to the Birthday thing. I'm 24 years old. I gave a talk in church this morning that centered around cartoon Christmas specials. Mature? Yes.

My Grandpas a Fox

Its kind of an odd statement. I am aware. But as odd as it is, its true. So many uses of the word. Back in the day, my Grandpa was a fox. He was a good lookin, buff, awesome guy. He was a boxer and a farmer. Mmmm. 100% Man. A fox. And now... he is still a fox. The phrase "Like a fox" doesn't even do justice to what he is. And its kind of funny, totally mind-boggling, and a little frustrating all at the same time.

My Grandpa is a work-a-holic. He is 84(ish?) and he still goes to work everyday. Does farm(ish?) type stuff. When you talk to him, you can tell he's gotten old, and his mind is slipping. He is kind of falling apart. HOWEVER, the thing about him is- He knows if anything in his house or on his farm has been moved. Its weird. The garage has stacks of junk its kind of ridiculous, but if you move on thing, he knows. Maybe thats where I get it from.

Example- Annalise was down in the basement looking around and she found and old calendar from 1972. This thing has been sitting in a dusty drawer down there for YEARS. They would never miss it. They probably didn't even know it was down there. She brought it upstairs, put it under her coat by the door. 10 minutes later, we go to leave and he has the calendar in his hand, and he's asking where it came from. Insane!!! How did he find it? How did he even know it was there?!? Its crazy. I don't know how he keeps track, it doesn't make sense. He's a fox.

Coulda, Woulda... Shoulda?

TODAY.

The plan for the day was supposed to be this(had last week not happened)... It was going to be the most epic triple date ever. It was going to be myself and Dallas, KT and Dan, and Corrine and Brad. We were going to go to Waterton, go up to the second camp kitchen, which is where I would showcase my Snow White skills, roast some smokies, have a little lunch, snowshoe to the Lake, play around in the snow, snowshoe back, go to the camp kitchen by the lake, the one with the huge stone fireplaces, build a roarin fire, make smores and ho-cho. By this time it would be dark, and we could go flop in the snow outside and star gaze. THE. PERFECT. DATE. AAAAAAnd it was gorgeous today, it got up to -7, the skies were clear, there wasn't a breath of wind... Shoot me now, for perfection is past. Had last week not happened, this was the moment that I would get him to kiss me. Impress him with my Snow White skills, be all cute and playful in the snow, sit by a romantic fire, star gazing!! At one point or another it would've happened.

BUUUUUUUT NOOOOOOO! Stupid last week had to happen. We had what I thought was the no-kissing talk, Dan and KT broke up, and I found out Brad was on call. So we had to reschedule the date, and i'm not going to kiss him. Great.

I ended up going to see Burlesque with Maggie and KT, I did some Christmas shopping and played in the snow with Corrine. That was my day.

NOW. At around 10:30 Dallas texts me, we end up going to BP's with Dan and Dan's mom. I got the nachos. Loaded. Awesome. It was fun. He may or may not have said he loved me... he said in it a black accent, in a joking kind of way, but its something we hnever joked about before, I've never even said the word when he has been around... He then proceeded to wipe my face with a wet nap. Twice. He thinks he's so funny. We were there until 1. I am driving Dallas home, we hold hands for a bit... I pull up to his house. I make (what now is see is) the mistake of pulling into the driveway. Dallas doesn't immediately get out of my car. He leans over for a hug. We car-hug. It lingers. Which is fine. I pull away and he keeps his hand on my back. OH NO. It all of a sudden turns into a situation where I KNOW he wants to kiss me. Gragh! NO. We continue talking for a while. Probably about 3 minutes passes, his hand still on my back. Then he pulls the little motion with his hand, urging me closer. I get the message. I resist. I get really nervous. He tries to make eye contact, I avoid it with everything I can muster. Its sooo hard. I tell him to go to bed, I change the subject, I do everything in my power to avoid it. He takes his hand down, and just when I think i'm in the clear, it goes right back. Im screwedImscrewedImscrewed....I want to kiss him. SO BAD. Not in my car outside Neals house, not while I have to pee like a racehorse, not right after I ate a hefty plate of nachos! I have nacho breath! The mint has done nothing! I'm sure I have some of it in my teeth still! I thought he didn't want to kiss me! Why is he trying to kiss me????!!!?!?!?!

Worst thing ever? You know what I did? His hand on my back, he has his eyes closed like he's pretending to sleep, cause I told him to go to bed... I reached across him to the passenger door, and opened his door for him... It was something I learned/joked about in high school/seminary. He got out of my car, and he went to bed.

I Lauren Coopered him.

Now I feel like a moron... or a tool... I feel bad, cause he probably feels rejected. And its not like I don't want to kiss him. I do. I REALLY REALLY do... but...
I don't know. He is going on a mission. He doesn't need this right now. It would take our relationship to a whole new level. And I want to, but I don't and I can't, but I would. But ARGH!

I talked to Britt yesterday about how I wanted to kiss him, but I sort of had the same conversation with Dan... I'm pretty sure one or both said something to Dallas, probably just Dan...

The stupid thing is I was planning to kiss him today anyway.

And now we are going to have to talk about it. I HATE talking about it. I want to kiss him. But would that just make it harder? I want to know what he's thinking! The one thing I hope is that he doesn't think I didn't know what was going on, that i'd missed his signs, his attempts... Cause I noticed, I know. It was obvious what was happening...It just wasn't going to. Am I a jerk? Should I have just kissed him?

...Would it have killed him to try and time it better? Or pick a better place? Cause in my car at Neals while I have jalapeno breath is not a great choice. I know it shouldn't matter where... but I think first kisses are important. Well its not even that I think that, its just been ingrained into me. Would it kill him to take to a spot? Somewhere that we could have as our spot? Can it have a story? Can it be epic? I'm hopeless.

Beckinspired

So, i've been inspired by Becky's blog. And, i've decided to make my own list.

In Order-

#5 Mark Wahlberg
It was almost a tie between Mark and Dwayne Johnson... but Marky Mark won out.
Will you look at his arm?! mmm. And we all know he was Mega-ripped back in the day, just google it.
I know he's old. Get over it.


#4 Eric Etebari
He's not one of your well known guys, which is kind of why I love him. Just look at that face!


#3 Gabriel Macht
He's pretty!


And a typical Alaya Choice...


#2 Sean Faris
He is just sooo sexy.
His smile gets me.

#1 Jensen Ackles
Words don't do him justice.
His lips.
His eyes.
His body.
His car.

What more does a woman need?

CTR...DTR...

Choose the Right- Define the Relationship. This was the what was practically yelled in my face the about a week ago. Its the DTR. Its like CTR, but with a D....

I LOATHE the DTR. With every fibre of my being I hate it, and want nothing more than for it to have cancer AND leprosy and get run over by an elephant...that is on fire.

It never works out the way I want it to. NEVER. And its awkward bringing it up, and I don't like talking about my feelings... It doesn't matter what the situation is, and its kind of the rule that whomever brings it up spills it first... So I hold out.

Its been a while coming with this one... and heavens knows YOU'VE been waiting for it... People would ask me whats the deal, and I honestly had no idea. And it was stupid to go on like that, ...i just liked the way things were. It had to happen though... so, I set a deadline... Which was last weekend- it was perfect, we planned a road trip to Calgary, so we were spending the whole weekend together...it was bound to come up.

Story of the weekend- Dallas got off work at 9:45. We left Leth at around 10. The roads from here to about Nanton SUCKED. They were really icy, we were driving 80kmh. Between Nanton and Calgary, smooth. Which was funny cause there were cars all over the ditch for apparently no reason. The purpose in us going to Calgary was to go to the Bass Pro Shop...mmmm. It was delightful. Dallas' parents are sort of living in Calgary for the winter, so he called them up to let them know he was in town. They invited him(/us?) for dinner. SO. We leave KT's house and we're walking out to the car and this is how the conversation goes-

Dallas: Sorry, for springing this on you like this..
Alaya: Yeah. "Meeting the Parents" Its kind of a big step... for..... a......... re...lation..ship...??
Dallas: Uh, yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
Alaya: Eeeeyeah...me too.
Dallas: So I was talking to Dan last night, and he was wondering what was going on and stuff
Alaya: oh yeah? What did you tell him?

He said he liked where we are at right now, just being really good friends, with cuddling benefits. We talked about how 'filling up your canteen' before your mission is stupid, and it creates more emotional attachment than is neccessary, and makes you lose focus... He asked me if I was good with the current situation, I hesitated, then said yes. He called me on my hesitation. I believe I used the phrase "The ..thing is, I really...kinda like you. ?" Beautifully articulate. One of my finer moments. On the plus side, it was actually words, and they did convey some of feelings for him. Granted, it goes deeper, but that's a well you are gonna need more than a rope and bucket for.

I brought up waiting, and said I wouldn't. BUT if he happens to still want me when I get back, and I happen to be around... He said he would feel guilty for asking me to wait. He also mentioned the fact that (and I quote) "once the alpha male is gone, all the betas will sense it and move in" I pointed out the fact that an Alpha female prefers the alpha male. Like i'm going to find someone that takes me to gut a deer, wants to go to a broadway show, loves history, matches my intelligence AND makes me laugh at the drop of a hat, not to mention the way he touches me...

Really, the only problem I have with this arrangement is that we aren't kissing. But its probably for the better, even though it sucks. It will just make it harder when he leaves. So this is where we stand. We are friends. Best friends. Who cuddle. Who don't kiss. It drives me crazy.

I meet his parents. His dad is a grown up version of Dallas, and his mom is the grown up version of Brittany. It went really well. I'm pretty sure they liked me, we talked, we laughed. I only got two icy looks from momma Jassy... One came when Dallas happened to mention spending a lot of time at my house, the other came when she emphasized the word FRIEND when refering to our relationship. They only lasted a split second, but I caught it. And I got the message. I want him to go too.

And that was the weekend pretty much. The roads back were ok, but the fog sucked. There were moments that I could only see about 6 feet infront of my car. It kind of made me nervous. Not nervouse enough to have two hands on the steering wheel though. Dallas held my hand the entire way home.