CTR...DTR...

Choose the Right- Define the Relationship. This was the what was practically yelled in my face the about a week ago. Its the DTR. Its like CTR, but with a D....

I LOATHE the DTR. With every fibre of my being I hate it, and want nothing more than for it to have cancer AND leprosy and get run over by an elephant...that is on fire.

It never works out the way I want it to. NEVER. And its awkward bringing it up, and I don't like talking about my feelings... It doesn't matter what the situation is, and its kind of the rule that whomever brings it up spills it first... So I hold out.

Its been a while coming with this one... and heavens knows YOU'VE been waiting for it... People would ask me whats the deal, and I honestly had no idea. And it was stupid to go on like that, ...i just liked the way things were. It had to happen though... so, I set a deadline... Which was last weekend- it was perfect, we planned a road trip to Calgary, so we were spending the whole weekend together...it was bound to come up.

Story of the weekend- Dallas got off work at 9:45. We left Leth at around 10. The roads from here to about Nanton SUCKED. They were really icy, we were driving 80kmh. Between Nanton and Calgary, smooth. Which was funny cause there were cars all over the ditch for apparently no reason. The purpose in us going to Calgary was to go to the Bass Pro Shop...mmmm. It was delightful. Dallas' parents are sort of living in Calgary for the winter, so he called them up to let them know he was in town. They invited him(/us?) for dinner. SO. We leave KT's house and we're walking out to the car and this is how the conversation goes-

Dallas: Sorry, for springing this on you like this..
Alaya: Yeah. "Meeting the Parents" Its kind of a big step... for..... a......... re...lation..ship...??
Dallas: Uh, yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
Alaya: Eeeeyeah...me too.
Dallas: So I was talking to Dan last night, and he was wondering what was going on and stuff
Alaya: oh yeah? What did you tell him?

He said he liked where we are at right now, just being really good friends, with cuddling benefits. We talked about how 'filling up your canteen' before your mission is stupid, and it creates more emotional attachment than is neccessary, and makes you lose focus... He asked me if I was good with the current situation, I hesitated, then said yes. He called me on my hesitation. I believe I used the phrase "The ..thing is, I really...kinda like you. ?" Beautifully articulate. One of my finer moments. On the plus side, it was actually words, and they did convey some of feelings for him. Granted, it goes deeper, but that's a well you are gonna need more than a rope and bucket for.

I brought up waiting, and said I wouldn't. BUT if he happens to still want me when I get back, and I happen to be around... He said he would feel guilty for asking me to wait. He also mentioned the fact that (and I quote) "once the alpha male is gone, all the betas will sense it and move in" I pointed out the fact that an Alpha female prefers the alpha male. Like i'm going to find someone that takes me to gut a deer, wants to go to a broadway show, loves history, matches my intelligence AND makes me laugh at the drop of a hat, not to mention the way he touches me...

Really, the only problem I have with this arrangement is that we aren't kissing. But its probably for the better, even though it sucks. It will just make it harder when he leaves. So this is where we stand. We are friends. Best friends. Who cuddle. Who don't kiss. It drives me crazy.

I meet his parents. His dad is a grown up version of Dallas, and his mom is the grown up version of Brittany. It went really well. I'm pretty sure they liked me, we talked, we laughed. I only got two icy looks from momma Jassy... One came when Dallas happened to mention spending a lot of time at my house, the other came when she emphasized the word FRIEND when refering to our relationship. They only lasted a split second, but I caught it. And I got the message. I want him to go too.

And that was the weekend pretty much. The roads back were ok, but the fog sucked. There were moments that I could only see about 6 feet infront of my car. It kind of made me nervous. Not nervouse enough to have two hands on the steering wheel though. Dallas held my hand the entire way home.